What would be the first thing you would do if you were to die soon?

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14 Nis 2023
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I would call my mother.

I would also call my Dad, Sisters, Brothers, close relatives, and my beloved friends of both present times and past.

I would call my mom and apologize for my inability to support her through her pain, alcohol addiction, and abusive relationship with my step-dad. I would let her know the depth of my love for her as a mother, despite my inability to talk to her more than twice a year since I had moved out.

I would want to have one conversation where she could tell me every fine detail of her internal demons and why she lived in such an emotionally abusive state during her escape from sobriety (virtually everynight my entire life. Very few breaks for short periods of time).

I would tell her why I could never be a helping hand because my weak heart was weighed down from a very early age through all the instability and emotional pain she caused in her drunk bouts of anger. I would say sorry for all the help I didn't bring to alleviate it all.

The reason my mother would be my first call is because she is the focal point of my problems manifested in all ways I currently live.

I wont rest in peace if I finish my life without making it.
 
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9 Mar 2020
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pray , redemption, ask god for forgiveness
 

Fnz

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ela şey için dua et ve af dile
 
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